Justin Bieber Gives Millions of Girls Christmas Hope!

So for all you Justin Bieber fans (and just to clarify... I'm not one... mind you, according to my sister Justin Bieber is my half-brother), there's new Justin Bieber Christmas news!

And it's news that will bring hope to all the millions of female Justin Bieber fans.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are not going to spend Christmas together!

Justin is going home to Stratford, Ontario to be with his family, and Selena is going home to Texas to be with her family.  No Justin Bieber spending Christmas with Selena Gomez and her family, or vice versa.

And to top it all off... Justin Bieber with be performing with Lady Gaga on New Year's Eve at Dick Clark's Rocking New Year's Eve.  Whether Selena Gomez will be there or not is any love-struck young girl's guess.

How many thousand, Justin Bieber sick, young girls will be descending on Stratford, Ontario this Christmas hoping to get a chance to steal him away from Selena?

Will Selena Gomez secretly fly into Stratford, Ontario on Christmas Eve to spy on Justin through his parent's kitchen window?

Will Justin Bieber's Mom get a surprise Christmas visit from her secret crush Drew Carey?

Could be a very interesting Christmas this year!!!

Related Posts...

Top 3 Justin Bieber Secret Facts

Working this Justin Bieber half-brother thing

Justin Bieber on GLEE

Top 3 Justin Bieber Secret Facts

As you know, my sister Tabi has been telling all her friends that Justin Bieber is our half-brother. 

That got me thinking that I should probably know some secret facts about Justin Bieber for when people ask me about the Justin Bieber half-brother thing, so I did a little research.  Here's what I came up with...

1. Justin Bieber's middle name is Drew.  Many fans know this, but what they don't know is that Justin Bieber's mother named him after Drew Carey because she has always had a secret love affair with Drew Carey.  Rumor has it, even Justin Bieber's Dad doesn't know this.

2. Justin Bieber doesn't really like his haircut, but he keeps it the way it is because he gets paid a commission off every Justin Bieber haircut that every teenage boy gets anywhere in the world.  With Justin Bieber haircuts going for about $150 each, Justin Bieber's making a killing just by keeping that silly looking haircut.

3. Justin Bieber pays a staff of 1,000 teenagers in Lishui, China to run his twitter account for him and respond to tweets that mention the name or phrase Justin Bieber.  This might seem like a lot, but because they're teens from the little city of Lishui in china, Justin only has to pay them each 10 cents a day, so it's really peanuts when you're as rich as Justin Bieber.

Related Posts...

Justin Bieber Gives Millions of Girls Hope for Christmas

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Contest Update: Win a FREE iPod Touch or Kindle Fire... Your Choice!

Some great efforts at spreading the word about the new Diary of a Nerd King book!

Diary of a Nerd King hit #9 on Amazon thanks to all our loyal Nerd King readers!

We still have a ways to go to hit 100 entries on the contest.  I'd love to be able to give away the iPod Touch or Kindle Fire before Christmas, so spread the word, get your friends and family involved, encourage people to enter... it's FREE!

Once we get 100 entries, we'll choose a winner within 1 week.  That's a 1 in a 100 chance to win!!!  Pretty good odds!!!

Here's a BIGGIE you can do to boost your chances of winning!

Post a review on Amazon.  It doesn't have to be anything fancy.  Just a line or two will do. 

Posting a review on Amazon is one of the most effective things you can do as it helps Diary of a Nerd King move up in the rankings on Amazon which in turn helps it get more exposure. 

Posting a review takes about 30 seconds to do and will increase your chances of winning the iPod Touch or Kindle Fire.

Good luck everyone!  Keep up the great work.  I'm looking forward to giving away the iPod Touch or Kindle Fire!

Win a FREE iPod Touch or Kindle Fire... YOUR CHOICE!

I'm Giving Away a FREE iPod Touch or Kindle FIRE... YOUR CHOICE!

If you don’t yet have an iPod Touch or a Kindle Fire and would like one for free, I’m giving  one away. This is a thank you for everyone's continued support of Diary of a Nerd King.

Here’s how to get one:

1) Just spread the word! Send people to this blog post or The Diary of a Nerd King page on Amazon. Here are some ideas: Facebook like, Facebook sharing, retweets, Twitter, e-mail, e-mail signature, stand on the corner and tell everyone you see. The last one doesn’t work as well as the others. :-)

2) Leave a comment on this post telling me what you did. If possible, quantify the impact (clicks, page views, etc.), and be sure to follow these two rules, which are required for your entry to be valid:

- Keep the entire comment to 200 words or fewer, so use bullets!
- If you're under 18, make sure you have your parent's permission.  I'll need to see confirmation before the   prize is awarded.

I'll consider the first 100 submissions, and then a few judges and I will choose the person we think did the best job.  Then I'll announce the winner here on the blog and ship out the prize!  Void where prohibited, Martians and extraterrestrials not allowed, etc., etc.  The winner will be announced within a week of me receiving the first 100 submissions.

Happy Holidays and Good Luck!

Diary of a Nerd King NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON!

I've got SUPER AWESOME news!

Diary of a Nerd King is NOW available as an INSTANT eBook download for Kindle which is readable on the iPod Touch, iPhone, iPad, PC Computers, Mac Computers, and even on your TV!

You can read quite a few entries from my diary here on the Diary of a Nerd King blog (actually, it's not a diary, it's a journal, blog, log...), but the book has about 50% more stories and pictures. 

Even more exciting, my 2nd book will be coming out soon too! 

In fact, I'm planning on releasing a new episode once a week or every 2 weeks, depending on how fast this Matt guy can turn my Diary (journal) into books.

I like this idea because it's just like your favorite TV show that is on every week.  Now, instead of waiting a REALLY long time between books, you'll be able to get a new episode of Diary of a Nerd King every week or two instead of waiting for a year or so like other books make you do. 

I'm going to call each week's book an Episode, and then they'll be part of a Season, just like on TV.  The  first book, Diary of a Nerd King, that you see above, will become Season One, with the next episode that comes out being the first episode of Season Two. 

Now that I think about it, it's kinda like getting the latest issue of your favorite comic each week, and that TOTALLY rocks!

What's more culturally important than POO?

Tuesday

I couldn't wait until English class today, for obvious reasons.  I've been thinking almost non-stop about Jordan Kennedy.

When it was finally time for English class today, it felt like forever had passed.

I went into class as cool as I could.  Not too fast.  Not too slow.  Glanced over at Jordan casually, but didn't look for too long.

And it happened!

She smiled at me again!

I couldn't help myself.  I looked back quickly and smiled back.  Hopefully it was a cool and casual return smile, and not a, “hey I'm a goober” smile.

Inside I was doing feeling pretty great.  Jordan had smiled at me again.

Mrs. Fizzerwinch (weird name, I know... I bet she got teased a lot as a kid) started the lessons, and after a while she gave us a writing assignment.

A lot of the kids hate writing assignments, but I don't mind them at all.

I don't always get the best marks on my writing assignments, but I think that's because Mrs. Fizzerwinch doesn't want to intimidate the other kids by always giving me perfect marks.

Anyways, today's writing assignment was to write about something that was culturally important.  I was going to have think on that one for a bit, but I'm pretty sure I'll come up with something that will blow Mrs. Fizzerwinch's socks off.

The rest of English class went by too quickly.  I got a couple more smiles from Jordan, which was awesome, and then the class was over and Jordan was disappearing down the hallway.

The rest of the school day seemed a bit of a let down after English class.  I guess that's what happens when a pretty girl likes you.

After dinner, Boogie called to say he couldn't work on our YouTube show tonight because he had to go out shopping with his parents.  I didn't mind too much because I figured I'd get a head start on my writing assignment for English.

I had come up with a GREAT idea when I was washing my hands before dinner.

Dad had been in the washroom right before me, and when I got in it was pretty ripe.  I was trying to wash my hands and hold my breath at the same time when the idea for my writing assignment hit me.

Poo!

I was going to write my English assignment about poo!  How much more culturally  important can you get than poo?

The beauty of my idea is that I think I can work it into a double-header.  Not only will it be a great topic for my English assignment, but Boogie and I should be able to use it for a great discussion on an episode of our YouTube show.

Mom calls this “killing two birds with one stone.”  I'm not sure why she'd want to kill birds with a stone, but I'm pretty impressed with myself for coming up with such a great idea!

Dinner seemed to take forever, mostly because I had all these ideas about poo flowing through my head, and I wanted to get them down on paper before I forgot them.

I think Mom and Dad were pretty shocked when I said I didn't want any dessert and excused myself to go to my room.  What can I say?  When you've got a great idea, you've got to get on it!

Once I got to my room, I was surprised how fast the words hit the paper when I started writing.  I don't think it even took me an hour to finish, and it's pretty awesome if I do say so myself!

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On Poo by Max Jeffery Ridgemont

From the moment we're born, we poo.

We have poopy diapers.

Somebody else has to wipe the poo off our bums when they're changing those poopy diapers.

We learn to poo in a potty, and then we get to dump our poo which is fun to flush.

We have accidents, and we poo in our pants.

We learn that farting is fun, which is something to do with poo in it's gaseous form.

Then we have our first experience with streaking our underwear from a runny or over-exuberant fart.

As we get older we learn to be embarrassed about poo, and we don't want to poo loudly with lots of tooting because we don't want anybody to hear us pooping.

If you go to someone else's house, and they have a washroom by the front door, you don't really want to poo there, because everyone can hear you.  Same with a washroom that's near a living room, kitchen, or other area where there's people.

And then when you go on your first date, pooping is not cool.  You need to poop far away from where she could hear or smell.

And you don't want to go over to your girlfriend's parent's house to see her, and have to use the toilet, and have a big poop and stink up the washroom, and possibly have her go in right after you've had a poo, because that would be embarrassing.

Pooping is one of the most natural, human things, but it is also one of the most embarrassing things... one of the things we get the most worried about.

Poop is one of the things we don't want to step in, usually that's non-human poo, but you don't really want to step in human poo either.

Poo is just poo.

It's a word we use to describe stuff we don't like... something is poopy, or smells like poo, or tastes like poo (of course we use the S word for poo that rhymes with it for many of these descriptions but YouTube is a family site unless you're a YouTube partner and then apparently you can swear all you want).

Poo has two O's in it.  It's got a fun kind of sound, kinda rolls off your tongue... poooo

Poo is the name of a teddy bear which maybe signifies a subtle hidden love affair with poo or using the word poo.

Now mind you, Winnie Pooh has the H on the end, so it's not just Poo, it's Pooh. Maybe that's a distinction we need to make because of our fear or our loathing of poo.

We also use poo for words like lovey-poo or other words we make up that have a poo on the end, and they're not necessarily negative.  They could be positive.  They could be a sign of affection or endearment.

Poo is a complicated word.  It's only 3 letters, but it is a very loaded word.  Loaded like a loaded diaper.

Poop is another form of poo.  It's a four letter word with an extra p.  Poop.  It's got the two O's and the two P's, and in that sense it's one of the most unique words in the English language as there's very few words that have two O' s and two P's in them and are only four letters.

Poop may actually be more fun to say than poo.  It is a variation on the word poo, and again comes back to our fascination with poo.

There's many, many words to describe poo.

Crap.

Dump.

Droppin' a log.

Float an air biscuit, which is an air poo, which is a fart.

There's just so many words we come up with for this thing... this act... we call poo.

And if you look at French, German, and other languages, there's other words for poo which I don't even know about, but I'm sure they sound pretty cool!

In short, or in long, as this has gotten, poo is a very rich, cultural, societal, thing.

Poo is something that everybody does, nobody really wants to talk about, and nobody wants to smell somebody else's poo (although we secretly want to smell our own, just like we like to smell our own farts).

And that's poo... that's poo.  P ' O ' O' or poop if you prefer it with the extra p.  That's poo.

-------------------------------------------------------------

As you can see, I even did some awesome drawings for my assignment too.  That should probably get me some bonus marks, although Mrs. Fizzerwinch may not want to give me those if she's worried the other kids will think my awesome drawing skills give me an unfair advantage.

While I do think my drawings deserve bonus marks, I'll understand if Mrs. Fizzerwinch wants to be fair to the other kids.  I'm like a drawing Jedi, so they don't really have a chance.

Jordan Kennedy smiled at me

Monday

This morning at school this girl smiled at me in the hallway.

I'm not talking about a normal, "hi" and keep walking smile.  I wouldn't be writing about it if it was one of those.

No, I'm pretty sure this was one of those “I think you're really good looking” smiles.  The more I think about it, I'm positive it was a “you're really good looking” smile.

Her name is Jordan Kennedy.  She's in my English class, and she's probably the best looking girl in the class.

She's definitely the best looking girl who has ever given me an “I think you're really good looking smile.”

Later in English class, I casually, making sure to look as cool as I could, turned my head and glanced at her.  She saw me, and gave me another one of those “I think you're really good looking” smiles.

I smiled and turned back toward the front, nice and slow, making sure to look really casual and cool about it.

Of course, that's how I hope I looked.  I sure hope I didn't look like I was ignoring her, or being snobby, or something else worse.

You never know with girls how they're going to take things.  You do one thing, and they take it an entirely different way than what you intended.

I had that happen last year.

This girl at school, Trudy, had always been really chubby.  A lot of kids used to be mean about it and call her names like “Fatty” and “Chubs.”

In September, after the summer was over and school started back up, I saw Trudy in the hallway on the first day of school.

Trudy had obviously lost a lot weight over the summer, so I tried to be supportive and give her a compliment.  I told her she looked great, and it was obvious she'd lost a lot of weight.

Well, I don't know if she just doesn't take compliments well or what, but she shrieked, started bawling, and ran off to the girl's washroom.  The girls she had been talking too all glared at me, and then stomped off.

I probably will never understand girls, but it's pretty obvious that no one can.

Even my Dad says he'll never understand women.

Anyway, hopefully Jordan got the right impression.  I sure don't want to blow my chances with her, especially considering she's the best looking girl that's ever smiled at me like that.

I did some drawings in my notebook of possible tatoos I might get if Jordan and I start going out.  The heart with the arrow is a given, but I'm not sure about the words inside.

Hopefully I'll make up my mind before I have to go to the tattoo place.

After school, Boogie and I went back to my house to do some more work on our YouTube show.

Dad asked us how our day went, and when I said fine, I guess Boogie thought that was his cue to tell my Dad about Jordan Kennedy.

What the heck was he thinking?

Of course Dad wanted to hear all about Jordan.  Most of all, he wanted to know if she was one of THE Kennedys.

That started a whole new conversation.

When Dad saw from the look on our faces that we didn't know what he was talking about, he said we really should know who THE Kennedys were and decided it was a perfect opportunity to tell us all about them.

Actually, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Who knew that America had had a King and Queen?

I mean, Dad said they weren't officially King and Queen, but they might as well have been.

It's quite a story really.  Somebody should make a movie out of it.

President and Jackie Kennedy were this really good looking couple, and everybody loved them.  Then somebody shot JFK at this place called the grassy knowl.

Isn't that Crazy!  Somebody shot one of our Presidents!

The whole country was really sad, and everyone was looking everywhere to find the guy that shot JFK.

They eventually caught this guy named Lee Harvey Oswald, and they said he was the one who shot JFK.

Apparently that's not the end of the story though.  More evidence came out, just like on those detective TV shows, that there was more than one shooter.

Dad says they never did catch the rest of them, and that a lot of people think it was a conspiracy by other people in the government.

I'm telling you, they really should make a movie about this.  It'd be HUGE!

Anyways, once Dad was done telling us about the Kennedys, Boogie and I finally made it up to my room to work on our YouTube show.

It was hard to concentrate though.  I kept thinking about the Kennedys, and JFK getting shot.  Most of all, I was really curious if Jordan was one of THOSE Kennedys.