What's more culturally important than POO?


Tuesday

I couldn't wait until English class today, for obvious reasons.  I've been thinking almost non-stop about Jordan Kennedy.

When it was finally time for English class today, it felt like forever had passed.

I went into class as cool as I could.  Not too fast.  Not too slow.  Glanced over at Jordan casually, but didn't look for too long.

And it happened!

She smiled at me again!

I couldn't help myself.  I looked back quickly and smiled back.  Hopefully it was a cool and casual return smile, and not a, “hey I'm a goober” smile.

Inside I was doing feeling pretty great.  Jordan had smiled at me again.

Mrs. Fizzerwinch (weird name, I know... I bet she got teased a lot as a kid) started the lessons, and after a while she gave us a writing assignment.

Mrs. Fizzerwinch - my English teacher

A lot of the kids hate writing assignments, but I don't mind them at all.

I don't always get the best marks on my writing assignments, but I think that's because Mrs. Fizzerwinch doesn't want to intimidate the other kids by always giving me perfect marks.

Anyways, today's writing assignment was to write about something that was culturally important.  I was going to have think on that one for a bit, but I'm pretty sure I'll come up with something that will blow Mrs. Fizzerwinch's socks off.

The rest of English class went by too quickly.  I got a couple more smiles from Jordan, which was awesome, and then the class was over and Jordan was disappearing down the hallway.

The rest of the school day seemed a bit of a let down after English class.  I guess that's what happens when a pretty girl likes you.

After dinner, Boogie called to say he couldn't work on our YouTube show tonight because he had to go out shopping with his parents.  I didn't mind too much because I figured I'd get a head start on my writing assignment for English.

I had come up with a GREAT idea when I was washing my hands before dinner.

Dad had been in the washroom right before me, and when I got in it was pretty ripe.  I was trying to wash my hands and hold my breath at the same time when the idea for my writing assignment hit me.

Poo!

I was going to write my English assignment about poo!  How much more culturally  important can you get than poo?

The beauty of my idea is that I think I can work it into a double-header.  Not only will it be a great topic for my English assignment, but Boogie and I should be able to use it for a great discussion on an episode of our YouTube show.

Mom calls this “killing two birds with one stone.”  I'm not sure why she'd want to kill birds with a stone, but I'm pretty impressed with myself for coming up with such a great idea!

Dinner seemed to take forever, mostly because I had all these ideas about poo flowing through my head, and I wanted to get them down on paper before I forgot them.

I think Mom and Dad were pretty shocked when I said I didn't want any dessert and excused myself to go to my room.  What can I say?  When you've got a great idea, you've got to get on it!

Once I got to my room, I was surprised how fast the words hit the paper when I started writing.  I don't think it even took me an hour to finish, and it's pretty awesome if I do say so myself!

-------------------------------------------------------------

On Poo by Max Jeffery Ridgemont

From the moment we're born, we poo.

We have poopy diapers.

Somebody else has to wipe the poo off our bums when they're changing those poopy diapers.

We learn to poo in a potty, and then we get to dump our poo which is fun to flush.

We have accidents, and we poo in our pants.

We learn that farting is fun, which is something to do with poo in it's gaseous form.

Then we have our first experience with streaking our underwear from a runny or over-exuberant fart.

As we get older we learn to be embarrassed about poo, and we don't want to poo loudly with lots of tooting because we don't want anybody to hear us pooping.

the Toilet... where poo goes... or where YOU go to poo

If you go to someone else's house, and they have a washroom by the front door, you don't really want to poo there, because everyone can hear you.  Same with a washroom that's near a living room, kitchen, or other area where there's people.

And then when you go on your first date, pooping is not cool.  You need to poop far away from where she could hear or smell.

And you don't want to go over to your girlfriend's parent's house to see her, and have to use the toilet, and have a big poop and stink up the washroom, and possibly have her go in right after you've had a poo, because that would be embarrassing.

toilet with poo (or poop) in it

Pooping is one of the most natural, human things, but it is also one of the most embarrassing things... one of the things we get the most worried about.

Poop is one of the things we don't want to step in, usually that's non-human poo, but you don't really want to step in human poo either.

Poo is just poo.

It's a word we use to describe stuff we don't like... something is poopy, or smells like poo, or tastes like poo (of course we use the S word for poo that rhymes with it for many of these descriptions but YouTube is a family site unless you're a YouTube partner and then apparently you can swear all you want).

Poo has two O's in it.  It's got a fun kind of sound, kinda rolls off your tongue... poooo

Poo is the name of a teddy bear which maybe signifies a subtle hidden love affair with poo or using the word poo.

Now mind you, Winnie Pooh has the H on the end, so it's not just Poo, it's Pooh. Maybe that's a distinction we need to make because of our fear or our loathing of poo.

We also use poo for words like lovey-poo or other words we make up that have a poo on the end, and they're not necessarily negative.  They could be positive.  They could be a sign of affection or endearment.

Poo is a complicated word.  It's only 3 letters, but it is a very loaded word.  Loaded like a loaded diaper.

Poop is another form of poo.  It's a four letter word with an extra p.  Poop.  It's got the two O's and the two P's, and in that sense it's one of the most unique words in the English language as there's very few words that have two O' s and two P's in them and are only four letters.

Poop may actually be more fun to say than poo.  It is a variation on the word poo, and again comes back to our fascination with poo.

There's many, many words to describe poo.

Crap.

Dump.

Droppin' a log.

Float an air biscuit, which is an air poo, which is a fart.

There's just so many words we come up with for this thing... this act... we call poo.

And if you look at French, German, and other languages, there's other words for poo which I don't even know about, but I'm sure they sound pretty cool!

In short, or in long, as this has gotten, poo is a very rich, cultural, societal, thing.

Poo is something that everybody does, nobody really wants to talk about, and nobody wants to smell somebody else's poo (although we secretly want to smell our own, just like we like to smell our own farts).

And that's poo... that's poo.  P ' O ' O' or poop if you prefer it with the extra p.  That's poo.

-------------------------------------------------------------

As you can see, I even did some awesome drawings for my assignment too.  That should probably get me some bonus marks, although Mrs. Fizzerwinch may not want to give me those if she's worried the other kids will think my awesome drawing skills give me an unfair advantage.

While I do think my drawings deserve bonus marks, I'll understand if Mrs. Fizzerwinch wants to be fair to the other kids.  I'm like a drawing Jedi, so they don't really have a chance.

Jordan Kennedy smiled at me


Monday

This morning at school this girl smiled at me in the hallway.

I'm not talking about a normal, "hi" and keep walking smile.  I wouldn't be writing about it if it was one of those.

No, I'm pretty sure this was one of those “I think you're really good looking” smiles.  The more I think about it, I'm positive it was a “you're really good looking” smile.

Her name is Jordan Kennedy.  She's in my English class, and she's probably the best looking girl in the class.

Jordan Kennedy - One of THE Kennedys?

She's definitely the best looking girl who has ever given me an “I think you're really good looking smile.”

Later in English class, I casually, making sure to look as cool as I could, turned my head and glanced at her.  She saw me, and gave me another one of those “I think you're really good looking” smiles.

I smiled and turned back toward the front, nice and slow, making sure to look really casual and cool about it.

Of course, that's how I hope I looked.  I sure hope I didn't look like I was ignoring her, or being snobby, or something else worse.

You never know with girls how they're going to take things.  You do one thing, and they take it an entirely different way than what you intended.

I had that happen last year.

This girl at school, Trudy, had always been really chubby.  A lot of kids used to be mean about it and call her names like “Fatty” and “Chubs.”

In September, after the summer was over and school started back up, I saw Trudy in the hallway on the first day of school.

Trudy had obviously lost a lot weight over the summer, so I tried to be supportive and give her a compliment.  I told her she looked great, and it was obvious she'd lost a lot of weight.

Well, I don't know if she just doesn't take compliments well or what, but she shrieked, started bawling, and ran off to the girl's washroom.  The girls she had been talking too all glared at me, and then stomped off.

I probably will never understand girls, but it's pretty obvious that no one can.

Even my Dad says he'll never understand women.

Anyway, hopefully Jordan got the right impression.  I sure don't want to blow my chances with her, especially considering she's the best looking girl that's ever smiled at me like that.

I did some drawings in my notebook of possible tatoos I might get if Jordan and I start going out.  The heart with the arrow is a given, but I'm not sure about the words inside.

Max & Jordan tattoo

Hopefully I'll make up my mind before I have to go to the tattoo place.

After school, Boogie and I went back to my house to do some more work on our YouTube show.

Dad asked us how our day went, and when I said fine, I guess Boogie thought that was his cue to tell my Dad about Jordan Kennedy.

What the heck was he thinking?

Of course Dad wanted to hear all about Jordan.  Most of all, he wanted to know if she was one of THE Kennedys.

That started a whole new conversation.

When Dad saw from the look on our faces that we didn't know what he was talking about, he said we really should know who THE Kennedys were and decided it was a perfect opportunity to tell us all about them.

Actually, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Who knew that America had had a King and Queen?

President JFK and Jackie Kennedy - King and Queen of USA

I mean, Dad said they weren't officially King and Queen, but they might as well have been.

It's quite a story really.  Somebody should make a movie out of it.

President and Jackie Kennedy were this really good looking couple, and everybody loved them.  Then somebody shot JFK at this place called the grassy knowl.

Isn't that Crazy!  Somebody shot one of our Presidents!

The whole country was really sad, and everyone was looking everywhere to find the guy that shot JFK.

They eventually caught this guy named Lee Harvey Oswald, and they said he was the one who shot JFK.

Apparently that's not the end of the story though.  More evidence came out, just like on those detective TV shows, that there was more than one shooter.

Dad says they never did catch the rest of them, and that a lot of people think it was a conspiracy by other people in the government.

I'm telling you, they really should make a movie about this.  It'd be HUGE!

Anyways, once Dad was done telling us about the Kennedys, Boogie and I finally made it up to my room to work on our YouTube show.

It was hard to concentrate though.  I kept thinking about the Kennedys, and JFK getting shot.  Most of all, I was really curious if Jordan was one of THOSE Kennedys.

Pat Robertson started a fight with my parents


Saturday

Wow!  My mom and dad were getting into a pretty heated discussion about this TV Evangelist guy Pat Robertson.

700 Club TV Evangelist Pat Robertson Starts Fight Between Parents Over Alzheimers

Apparently this lady asked him for advice about dating someone else because her husband has alzheimers.

Mom says Alzheimers is this disease that's really scary because it messes with your brain and makes it hard for you to remember people and other stuff.

Anyways, Pat Robertson basically told this woman she was ok to cheat on her husband because her husband has alzheimers, at least that's how my mom took it.

Dad says it more complicated than that.  He says he understands what Pat Robertson is saying because alzheimers turns you into a vegetable.

Mom got mad when he said that and told him that wasn't a very nice way to put it.

Dad said she knew what he meant, and that it was the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts, but it's still the truth.

Then Mom asked Dad if he would date someone else if SHE got alzheimers.

I think Dad knew he was in trouble at this point because he looked kind of uncomfortable, like when you're trying to poop and it won't come out, and he didn't say anything.

have to poop look

Mom just stared at him and said, "Well?"

Dad must've realized he had to say something because he quickly said "Of course not!" but I'm not sure Mom was convinced because she just kinda breathed out heavily through her nose and continued to glare at him.

I'm not really sure about this whole alzheimers thing, but it sounds like talking about it and dating is not a good idea.  Obviously this Pat Robertson guy doesn't know much about relationship advice.

Maybe the 700 Club where he works should think about replacing him.  I mean, the 700 Club is a TV show, and if he's starting arguments with everyone's parents, he can't be that good for their ratings.

I'm actually thinking about locking out the 700 Club channel on our remote control so this Pat Roberston guy doesn't start anymore arguments with my mom and dad.  They don't know how to work the remote, and they're too embarrassed to ask me or Tabi, so it should solve the problem.

700 Club locked out on remote

On the other hand, I'm not even sure they were watching the 700 Club when they heard about what Pat Robertson said.  Now that I think about it, I think they heard about it on the news.

I guess I could lock out all the news channels on the remote, but I think almost every channel has news, so that wouldn't work out very good for me.  There wouldn't be much left on TV to watch.

I guess I'll just have to take the chance that Pat Robertson won't start anymore arguments between Mom and Dad.  If he does, I might have to write the 700 Club and ask them to make him stop.  I could always threaten to have all my viewers boycott them once Boogie and I are famous on YouTube.

After lunch, Mom was still shooting Dad the evil eye and barely talking to him, so I decided it was time for me to step in and fix things.

Dad's a little stubborn sometimes, and he doesn't seem to realize that when Mom's mad at him, the rest of us suffer too.

I figured out a long time ago from watching Boogie's dad, that flowers fixes almost anything when his Mom is mad at his dad.

Now, whenever Dad gets himself in trouble with Mom and can't fix it himself, I call the flower shop down the street and order flowers for Mom with a card from him saying "I Love You."

So far, it's worked everytime.  Dad hasn't caught on, even though the shop charges them to his account, and Mom is always really happy to get flowers.

Best of all, if Mom's happy, things are much more relaxed around the house for the rest of us.

Shay Carl and the Shaytards in the RED ZONE


Wednesday

I went over to Boogie's house tonight so we could work on our YouTube show some more.

We still haven't heard back from Ray William Johnson, but it's only been one day so we're trying to be patient.  I'm sure Ray is really busy, and he probably gets a lot of mail.

Of course, when he sees our email, he'll probably get right back to us once he reads it and realizes we're gonna be future YouTube stars and probably be hanging out together.

In the meantime, Boogie found another BIG YouTube star he thinks we should study.

Shaycarl from YouTube

The guy's name is ShayCarl, and he does videos of his family doing fun and silly stuff.  He calls his family the Shaytards, and that's what his Youtube channel is called too.

Shaycarl and the Shaytards from YouTube

ShayCarl is a pretty funny guy, and he's also done lots of videos with other YouTube celebrities too, so that's a lesson we can learn from.  Boogie and I need to get in touch with some other BIG YouTubers besides Ray William Johnson to see about doing some videos with them.

I'm sure we'll have a HUGE list of BIG BIG YouTube stars who want to do videos with us once word gets out about our new YouTube show.

Boogie and I came up with a name for what we'll call these popular YouTube celebrities.  For YouTubers who are really BIG, we're going to say they're in the RED ZONE.

Red Zone - YouTube Stars Only!

The RED ZONE is only for really BIG YouTubers.  People like Ray William Johnson and ShayCarl are in the RED ZONE.  It'll be our own cool way to refer to them, and we're gonna use it on our show.

We're pretty sure it'll end up being a super cool buzz word that will catch on all over YouTube, and everyone will start to use it.  Pretty soon, everyone on YouTube is going to want to be “in the RED ZONE,” and it'll really make us famous because everyone will know Boogie and I started it.

I suggested to Boogie that we should do the same thing we did with Ray William Johnson and write ShayCarl and the Shaytards a letter.  Boogie agreed, and we put our heads together to start writing an email to ShayCarl.

At first we thought we'd just use the same one we sent Ray William Johnson and change the names, but then Boogie pointed out that we should probably personalize it and talk about stuff ShayCarl has done so that he can see we've watched his videos and are serious about this YouTube stuff.

After all, nobody likes to get an email that was sent to someone else first.  That doesn't make you feel special.

Here's the letter we wrote to ShayCarl...

---------------------------------------------------

from  MaxJefferyRidgemont@nerdkingdiary.com
to  shaycarl@shaycarl.com
date  Wednesday at 6:28 PM
subject   Shaycarl and the Shaytards YouTube Secrets

Dear ShayCarl,

We really love your YouTube show about you and your family.  We think it's really cool how you came up with such an awesome name like the Shaytards for your family.

It must be really fun to get to do videos with them every day as your job.  I'm sure your kids love it.  We sure would love it if our dads were YouTube celebrities like you are!

Anyway, we're starting our own YouTube show which is gonna be sort of like Ray William Johnson's, but better.

We're gonna talk about cool videos we find each week instead of just about the most popular videos like Ray does.

We wrote Ray a letter too as we figured he'd be happy to share some of his YouTube secrets with us since our show will be an improvised version of his, and we thought it would be really cool to get your advice as well since the Shaytards is such an AWESOME YouTube show too.

Obviously you've learned a lot of stuff about how this whole YouTube thing works, so it would be great if you could share with us any secrets or advice you have.

We really want to make sure our show is going to be a HUGE success like your Shaytards show and Ray William Johnson's show, and we want to get in on making millions of dollars on YouTube as fast as we can.

Keep up the great work, and thanks for your help!

Boogie and Max
http://www.nerdkingdiary.com

-----------------------------------------------------------

(I let Boogie put his name first this time in the signature to keep him happy.)

It took us a while to finish the letter to ShayCarl, and then we spent another couple of hours looking at more YouTube videos before I had to go home.

We're getting quite a long list now of cool videos, so we'll have to decide which ones are the best to use in our first video, and which ones we'll save for the videos after that.

It's a lot of work doing all this research watching videos, writing letters, and planning our own show.  I can see why these YouTubers like Ray William Johnson and ShayCarl are making the big bucks.  It's not as easy as it looks!

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the Ray William Johnson YouTube Secrets to $1,000,000 Letter


Tuesday

So Boogie and I have been watching TONS of videos on YouTube to get ready for our show.

We've found a bunch we think are pretty cool.

 Dog Riding Cat Youtube Video

There's this one really good one of a dog riding around on a cat that's pretty funny. The cat didn't look like it thought it was funny, but the dog looked like it was having a blast.

Skateboard Girl slips and lands in garbage Youtube Video

There's also this one where this girl tries to jump over a pile of garbage on a skateboard. She slips and lands on her butt right in the middle of the garbage. It's pretty hilarious!

Those are just a couple of the great videos we've found, so we're thinking our premiere YouTube video is going to be HUGE! We may even make like half a million dollars just on it, never mind all the other ones we're going to do!

We've also been working really hard trying to figure out all the other stuff for our channel like the logo, colors, and name... what my Dad call the logistics.

So far I think we've decided to call the show “The Max and Boogie Show.” Boogie thought it should be “The Boogie and Max Show,” especially since B comes before M in the alphabet, but I pointed out that there was more impact when my name came first because it sounds like max as in maximum which makes people think of maximum Boogie.

Boogie liked that so we settled on “The Max and Boogie Show.”

As far as colors go, we're still not sure what to do. We both think black is awesome, but we're having a hard time choosing a second color to go with it.

We both like yellow, and it looks good on black, so we'll probably go with that. Orange looks good on black too, so that's our second choice.

If we go with yellow on black, I thought a cartoon drawing of a Killer Bee would be really cool as our logo.

Boogie likes the bee idea and thinks we should come up with a slogan to go with it like “so cool you'll feel buzzed,” which I have to admit sounds pretty good.

Boogie keeps surprising me with how good he is at this stuff. Once we've made millions off our YouTube show and we're millionaires, I'll probably let him be my business partner, and we'll buy a bunch of other companies and expand our business empire like that Richard Branson guy who wants to be the King of Space Travel.

Since Ray William Johnson has already done pretty good with his YouTube show, I told Boogie we should email him and see if he would share some of his secrets with us.

I'm pretty sure he'll want to once he find out that he inspired our whole idea for our YouTube show, especially since we're using a lot from his model and making it better.

He actually might want to borrow some of our ideas, which I'm OK with since we're borrowing some of his.

Anyhow, Boogie thought it was a great idea to email Ray William Johnson to see if he'd help us out, so we spent some time writing out a really good email so that he'd see how serious and professional we are.

Here's what we came up with...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

from         MaxJefferyRidgemont@nerdkingdiary.com
to         raywilliamjohnson@equals3.com
date         Tue, Sep 6, 2011 at 6:28 PM
subject Your YouTube Secrets to Make $1,000,000


Dear Ray William Johnson,

We found your channel on Youtube and have watched a whole bunch of your videos and think you're great.

We especially like how you use your full name, Ray William Johnson, instead of just Ray. It sounds really professional.

We also like your Youtube channel name, =3. It sounds really cool and sophisticated.

Anyways, Boogie and I were inspired by your YouTube success (especially when we heard you made a million bucks last year!) so we came up with our own idea for a really cool Youtube channel so we could get in on making a few million too!

We figured we should write you to see if you could share some of your secrets that helped you get so big on Youtube since our channel is going to be an improved version of yours.

We're going to review videos every week like you do, but we're going to do really cool videos instead of just the popular ones like you do.

Obviously we thought you'd be happy to help us out since we're gonna be huge YouTube stars too, and you're our inspiration! We'll probably even have a Ray William Johnson dedication to you right on our channel. Anyways, it would be great if you could help us out by sharing some of your best secrets, and please feel free to use any of our ideas too!

Thanks for your help!

Max and Boogie
www.nerdkingdiary.com

---------------------------------------------------------------

It took us quite a few tries to get the wording just right, but I think we nailed it. Once Ray reads it, I'm sure he'll be happy to help us out, especially since we told him he could use any of our ideas too!

Ray William Johnson YouTube Secrets

Now all we have to do is sit back and wait for Ray William Johnson to get back to us with his YouTube secrets, and we'll be on our way to making millions!

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Top Secret Ray William Johnson Based YouTube Plan To Make $1,000,000


Monday

Boogie showed me this guy named Ray William Johnson on YouTube today.

Ray William Johnson from Youtube

His YouTube channel is called =3 which is apparently some fancy, pansy art thing, but this guy gets millions of people watching his videos.

I guess Boogie really started looking into this Ray William Johnson guy because he said Ray made over a million dollars last year off YouTube.

I didn't know you could make that kind of money off YouTube, or I would've already been doing it!

Youtube

Boogie says how it works is that you put up your videos, and then YouTube puts these little ads on them at the bottom.  When somebody clicks on an ad, you get paid.

Holy Cow Batman!  How easy is that!

So obviously I told Boogie we needed to get on this right away so we could start making millions too, just like Ray William Johnson.

Since Boogie had already been looking into it, he had some ideas written down that he'd come up with.

I gotta say, I was pretty impressed with Boogie.  I didn't think he was this smart, but everything he's found out about YouTube and Ray William Johnson has really got me thinking I've been under-estimating him.

Some of Boogie's ideas for our YouTube channel were actually pretty good.

It turns out Ray William Johnson doesn't do anything special, or that original, to make all that money.  He just talks about whatever YouTube videos are really popular that week.

It's pretty simple really.  I’m surprised everyone isn't doing it and making millions of dollars too.

Anyway, one of Boogie's ideas was a variation on Ray William Johnson's thing.

TOP SECRET Ray William Johnson Based Youtube Plan to Make $1,000,000

Boogie and I will talk about the coolest videos we find each week, instead of just the most popular.  We'll kinda be taking Ray William Johnson's show and making it better, so it should be a sure thing.

So now that we have a plan, we started watching a lot of different videos on YouTube to find some cool ones.

Boogie pointed out that a lot of the most popular videos were really unique or had something shocking in them.

That gave me an idea.

If we do our talks about the coolest videos we find that week wearing only our underwear, that should be shocking and unique!

The added bonus is, we'll probably meet a lot of girls since after they see us in our underwear on YouTube, they'll probably be lining up at our door to hang out with us.

Anyway, we still have to work out a few more details, but we're both going to look for cool videos in the next few days so that we can make our first YouTube video this weekend.

Justin Bieber on GLEE

Thursday

Somebody at school today said that Justin Bieber was going to be on GLEE tonight, so all the girls started freaking out, pretending to faint, and staring at pictures of the Biebs.

Justin Bieber on GLEE

I gotta say, I've never seen something spread so fast through the whole school.  By 9am it seemed like everybody was talking about Justin Bieber and making plans to watch GLEE... at least all the girls were anyway.

Most of the guys were either saying they wished they were rich and famous like Justin Bieber, or that they really didn't want to watch GLEE whether Justin was on it or not.

The thing about GLEE is that it's not really cool to admit liking it if you're a guy.  It's obviously fine if you're a girl, but all the guys have to put up this image that they don't watch girlie stuff like GLEE, even though I think just about every guy at our school does.

Those of us like me with sisters get off easy 'cause we can just say we have to watch GLEE because our sister's made us.  It's one of the few times when it's an advantage to have a sister, but even still, I'd never let Tabitha hear me say that.

Later this evening, after dinner, when we were all sitting around watching GLEE, we all kept waiting for the big moment when we'd see Justin Bieber.  After each commercial break, we kept thinking it had to be soon.

By the time the show was half over, I was starting to wonder if somebody had made up the whole Justin Bieber on GLEE thing cause it didn't seem like they were going to have time to fit him in.

By ten to nine, I was really doubting we were going to see the Biebs, but Tabi kept insisting we'd see him any minute.

She was right.

At about eight minutes to nine, one of the kids on GLEE opened their locker, and she had a Justin Bieber poster taped to her locker door.  It turned out that was the big appearance.

No real life Justin Bieber... just a poster of him on a locker door.

Justin Bieber poster in locker

Pretty lame if you ask me, but I bet it really boosted GLEE's ratings for the week.  Come to think of it, somebody from the show probably started the rumor for just that reason.  Pretty smart actually.

It wasn't a total loss though.  Tabi was all upset and freaking out because she didn't get to see Justin, so I told her I had known all along that he wasn't going to be on GLEE.  She wailed and stormed off to her room all in a huff.

GLEE + Justin Bieber = Tabi goes nuts


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getting your pants pulled down in front of the popular girls

Wednesday

Boogie is trying to keep a low profile at school on account of spilling his drink all over Craig Johnson.

It's making things hard for me though, cause he insists we leave for school later and use the side doors that only the teachers use so we don't run into Craig.

I tried to tell him that Craig has probably forgotten all about Boogie spilling his drink on him by now, but Boogie wasn't buying it.

To be honest, I wouldn't be buying it either if I was him.  Craig Johnson isn't someone to be messing with.

pants pulled down in front of popular girls while wearing Darth Vader shirt

One time Craig thought this kid at school had said something about his hair cut, so Craig pulled his pants down right in front of a table full of the popular girls in the cafeteria, and they all started laughing at him.

The poor kid had been wearing a really cool Darth Vader shirt so Craig asked him why he hadn't used the Force to stop his pants from being pulled down, and then all the girls started giggling even harder.

Darth Vader = Totally Cool!

I was actually surprised that a jock like Craig even knew who Darth Vader was, but it just goes to show you, Darth Vader is TOTALLY COOL.

Anyhow, it could be really dangerous to have Craig on your bad side, so I really couldn't blame Boogie for being worried about it.

The worst thing about a situation like this is never knowing when Craig is going to get you.  Always having to look over your should can get really tiring, but you can't EVER let your guard down, cause that always ends up being right when they get you.

I wish I had some good advice to give Boogie to help him out of this mess, but he's probably just going to have to wait it out until Craig cools off and forgets about it.

Hopefully Craig isn't one of those guys with a really long memory.

working this Justin Bieber half-brother thing

Tuesday

Tabi's latest thing is telling everybody that Justin Bieber is her half-brother.  She thinks it'll make her more popular, but I think it just sounds lame. Most kids won't believe it anyway, so what's the point. 

I mean, really, if Justin Bieber was her half-brother, then I'm pretty sure we would've had someone from TV over at our house to interview us long before now, and that hasn't happened.

Also, if Justin Bieber was Tabi's half-brother, then that would make him my half-brother too, and I really don't want Justin Bieber for a brother. That would be a real pain in the butt. Everyone would be all “So what it like having Justin Bieber as your brother?” and “Do you think you could get Justin's autograph for me?” I'd be totally living in his shadow, which would really suck.

 Justing Bieber Autographs $50

Of course, if Justin Bieber was my half-brother, and everyone was asking me for his autograph, I could make a fortune charging for them. I could start off cheap, like $5 per autograph, and then slowly raise the price until I was charging $20 or even $50 per autograph.

People would pay it too!  You should see how crazy girls get over Justin Bieber!

Even kid's mom's are going nuts for Justin Bieber, and that's just wrong. Moms are full grown women. Justin Bieber is a kid. What is the world coming to!

I LOVE Justin Bieber T-shirt

I'd be totally embarrassed if my mom was out there going to Justin Bieber concerts and shrieking like a little girl. This one kid at school, his mom even has an “I LOVE Justin Bieber” shirt (I wrote love but on the shirt it's a picture of a heart like this). Poor kid probably has nightmares about it.

Anyway, Tabi keeps telling everybody Justin is her half-brother, and it's starting to make me look bad.

Locker with Max Bieber written on it

Yesterday at school, someone had written Max Bieber on my locker with permanent marker, and then this girl called me Max Bieber when she walked by me in the hallway.

Now that I think about it, I wonder if that was an insult or if she was flirting with me? Maybe I could actually work this Justin Bieber half-brother thing to my advantage with the ladies. I'm gonna have to think about this.

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