Tuesday
I couldn't wait until English class today, for obvious reasons. I've been thinking almost non-stop about Jordan Kennedy.
When it was finally time for English class today, it felt like forever had passed.
I went into class as cool as I could. Not too fast. Not too slow. Glanced over at Jordan casually, but didn't look for too long.
And it happened!
She smiled at me again!
I couldn't help myself. I looked back quickly and smiled back. Hopefully it was a cool and casual return smile, and not a, “hey I'm a goober” smile.
Inside I was doing feeling pretty great. Jordan had smiled at me again.
Mrs. Fizzerwinch (weird name, I know... I bet she got teased a lot as a kid) started the lessons, and after a while she gave us a writing assignment.
A lot of the kids hate writing assignments, but I don't mind them at all.
I don't always get the best marks on my writing assignments, but I think that's because Mrs. Fizzerwinch doesn't want to intimidate the other kids by always giving me perfect marks.
Anyways, today's writing assignment was to write about something that was culturally important. I was going to have think on that one for a bit, but I'm pretty sure I'll come up with something that will blow Mrs. Fizzerwinch's socks off.
The rest of English class went by too quickly. I got a couple more smiles from Jordan, which was awesome, and then the class was over and Jordan was disappearing down the hallway.
The rest of the school day seemed a bit of a let down after English class. I guess that's what happens when a pretty girl likes you.
After dinner, Boogie called to say he couldn't work on our
YouTube show tonight because he had to go out shopping with his parents. I didn't mind too much because I figured I'd get a head start on my writing assignment for English.
I had come up with a GREAT idea when I was washing my hands before dinner.
Dad had been in the washroom right before me, and when I got in it was pretty ripe. I was trying to wash my hands and hold my breath at the same time when the idea for my writing assignment hit me.
Poo!
I was going to write my English assignment about poo! How much more culturally important can you get than poo?
The beauty of my idea is that I think I can work it into a double-header. Not only will it be a great topic for my English assignment, but Boogie and I should be able to use it for a great discussion on an episode of our
YouTube show.
Mom calls this “killing two birds with one stone.” I'm not sure why she'd want to kill birds with a stone, but I'm pretty impressed with myself for coming up with such a great idea!
Dinner seemed to take forever, mostly because I had all these ideas about poo flowing through my head, and I wanted to get them down on paper before I forgot them.
I think Mom and Dad were pretty shocked when I said I didn't want any dessert and excused myself to go to my room. What can I say? When you've got a great idea, you've got to get on it!
Once I got to my room, I was surprised how fast the words hit the paper when I started writing. I don't think it even took me an hour to finish, and it's pretty awesome if I do say so myself!
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On Poo by Max Jeffery Ridgemont
From the moment we're born, we poo.
We have poopy diapers.
Somebody else has to wipe the poo off our bums when they're changing those poopy diapers.
We learn to poo in a potty, and then we get to dump our poo which is fun to flush.
We have accidents, and we poo in our pants.
We learn that farting is fun, which is something to do with poo in it's gaseous form.
Then we have our first experience with streaking our underwear from a runny or over-exuberant fart.
As we get older we learn to be embarrassed about poo, and we don't want to poo loudly with lots of tooting because we don't want anybody to hear us pooping.
If you go to someone else's house, and they have a washroom by the front door, you don't really want to poo there, because everyone can hear you. Same with a washroom that's near a living room, kitchen, or other area where there's people.
And then when you go on your first date, pooping is not cool. You need to poop far away from where she could hear or smell.
And you don't want to go over to your girlfriend's parent's house to see her, and have to use the toilet, and have a big poop and stink up the washroom, and possibly have her go in right after you've had a poo, because that would be embarrassing.
Pooping is one of the most natural, human things, but it is also one of the most embarrassing things... one of the things we get the most worried about.
Poop is one of the things we don't want to step in, usually that's non-human poo, but you don't really want to step in human poo either.
Poo is just poo.
It's a word we use to describe stuff we don't like... something is poopy, or smells like poo, or tastes like poo (of course we use the S word for poo that rhymes with it for many of these descriptions but YouTube is a family site unless you're a YouTube partner and then apparently you can swear all you want).
Poo has two O's in it. It's got a fun kind of sound, kinda rolls off your tongue... poooo
Poo is the name of a teddy bear which maybe signifies a subtle hidden love affair with poo or using the word poo.
Now mind you, Winnie Pooh has the H on the end, so it's not just Poo, it's Pooh. Maybe that's a distinction we need to make because of our fear or our loathing of poo.
We also use poo for words like lovey-poo or other words we make up that have a poo on the end, and they're not necessarily negative. They could be positive. They could be a sign of affection or endearment.
Poo is a complicated word. It's only 3 letters, but it is a very loaded word. Loaded like a loaded diaper.
Poop is another form of poo. It's a four letter word with an extra p. Poop. It's got the two O's and the two P's, and in that sense it's one of the most unique words in the English language as there's very few words that have two O' s and two P's in them and are only four letters.
Poop may actually be more fun to say than poo. It is a variation on the word poo, and again comes back to our fascination with poo.
There's many, many words to describe poo.
Crap.
Dump.
Droppin' a log.
Float an air biscuit, which is an air poo, which is a fart.
There's just so many words we come up with for this thing... this act... we call poo.
And if you look at French, German, and other languages, there's other words for poo which I don't even know about, but I'm sure they sound pretty cool!
In short, or in long, as this has gotten, poo is a very rich, cultural, societal, thing.
Poo is something that everybody does, nobody really wants to talk about, and nobody wants to smell somebody else's poo (although we secretly want to smell our own, just like we like to smell our own farts).
And that's poo... that's poo. P ' O ' O' or poop if you prefer it with the extra p. That's poo.
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As you can see, I even did some awesome drawings for my assignment too. That should probably get me some bonus marks, although Mrs. Fizzerwinch may not want to give me those if she's worried the other kids will think my awesome drawing skills give me an unfair advantage.
While I do think my drawings deserve bonus marks, I'll understand if Mrs. Fizzerwinch wants to be fair to the other kids. I'm like a drawing Jedi, so they don't really have a chance.
