the great variety store door incident

Wednesday

Today in class I was daydreaming, remembering the time we tied the door shut on the variety store by Boogie's house.

The owner was a really nasty guy who used to yell at all the kids and follow us around the store glaring at us. He used to go off on rants about how “we were all little thieves” and how “in his country we'd get our hands chopped off for stealing”.

I always thought it was a really bad way to treat your best customers.

Us kids probably made up more than half of his business since we were there every day on the way to school, coming home from school, at lunch time, and even after dinner sometimes.

If I had've saved all my allowance money that I've spent in his store, I'd probably be a multi-billionaire now hanging out with Bill Gates and Warren Buffett (Warren Buffett is this SUPER RICH guy my Dad is always going on about).

Anyway, me and Boogie got really tired of him hassling us all the time so we came up with a plan to get him back.

(Everyone says I'm wicked awesome at drawing.  Don't worry though, if you practice really hard, you can probably be as good as me someday too.)

We found some wire in the dumpster at school, the kind that they use for cords on lamps and stuff. We tied it really tight to the bike rack around the corner of the store, and then Boogie crawled along the sidewalk in front of the store so that the owner wouldn't see him, just like the Navy Seals do.

We'd tied a slip knot in the end of the wire and made sure it was secure. Once Boogie made it to the door, he reached up and slipped it over the door handle and pulled it tight. That was my cue to pull the wire as tight as I could by wrapping it around where we'd tied it off at the other end.

I signalled Boogie when it was as tight as I could get it, and Boogie jumped up in front of the door.

The owner was busy following some little kids around, so Boogie banged on the door to get his attention. I was impressed with how loud Boogie was able to bang. He was using his palms, hands wide open, and it was REALLY LOUD! He was making faces too, which combined with the banging, had the desired effect.

The owner spun around when he heard the noise, saw Boogie making faces at him while banging away on the door, and ran straight at the door, which is exactly what we'd hoped he would do.

Boogie jumped back a couple feet and continued making faces.

The owner hit the door at a run, hands in front of him, thinking he was gonig to burst out of the store after Boogie.

What actually happened was that the wire held firm, the door didn't budge, and the owner went flying backwards, crashed into a display of pop and chips, and landed on his butt.

It was definetely one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Boogie and I were rolling on the ground laughing with tears falling down our cheeks.

The owner had got back up and was screaming at us while frantically trying to get the door open, which of course made us laugh even harder. We waved back at him, made a few more faces, and then decided we'd better get going before he remembered he could get out through the door in the back of the store.

We laughed all the way back to Boogie's house, and we still get into fits of uncontrollable laughter whenever we talk about it, which is kinda what got me in trouble in class today.

I forgot where I was while I was remembering “the great variety store door incident” and burst out laughing remembering the store owner's face when he landed on his butt in a pile of pop and chips.

I guess I was laughing pretty loud, cause the teacher yelling at me interrupted my train of thought and I suddenly realized the whole class was staring at me and the teacher was going on about me being disruptive for the last time and I should go to the detention room right NOW!